ANGER and the puppet
Imagine yourself walking through the grocery store aisle. It’s been a good day and you’re feeling content (in your own thoughts). Then, a woman walks by you pushing a cart and bumps right into you while talking on the phone. She gives you a look as if to say, “watch where you’re going.” How would you react? Would you get angry or would you brush it off?
Every day, our interpretation and reaction to external events impacts the way we feel. You see, it’s not the actual event that causes us to feel a certain way, it’s how we interpret it. Imagine all of us walking around with a big filter over our heads. Everything that we experience goes through our filter of beliefs, past experiences, influences, etc., and we find our perspective. Our perspective dictates our emotional reaction.
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), this interpretation happens though what are called automatic thoughts, and people learn to identify and impact them in order to feel better.
Dr. Christian Conte (www.drchristianconte.com) provides a great tool for changing the way we react. According to Dr. Conte, it helps to use a physical (or visual) reminder. Here’s his example.
Imagine that I am a puppeteer. I have a puppet who I am walking along on the desk (I’m holding the strings) in front of me, enjoying his day. This puppet is a peace, whistling as he walks along. Then, I pause the puppet and say, “wow, your hat looks really stupid, and I don’t like your pants either.” Now, the puppet turns and continues to walk, but he appears down. He’s no longer whistling, and he looks down at the table as he walks. Then I say, “I’m just kidding, I love your hat and your pants too!” Now the puppet perks up and is happy again.
Who is in control of this puppet? Wh is controlling his peace of mind? It seems that I (the puppeteer) am. You see, the puppet allowed someone else to control his mental wellbeing with something external (the words). The puppet gave up his peace of mind and the emotions to took control. When do you react like that puppet? The truth is, none of us wants to be that puppet, but we allow others to ruin our day and control our emotions all the time!
The next time someone says (or does) something rude to you, remember that puppet. No matter how you choose to respond, don’t let them take your peace of mind and ruin your day. Choose to control your own emotions!
